Lessons from UTMB
I have 3 lessons to share with you about my UTMB Mont Blanc DNF. These aren't particularly comfortable to talk about but hopefully they'll be useful to someone.
After a rocky start to the summer with an Achilles issue, I was feeling fit, and fairly confident. In fact, I said to my coach that I wasn't sure that I'd hit my goal of sub 24hrs, but I was confident that I could finish. Famous last words!
So what went wrong?
It's hard to analyse exactly what happened, but I've pinpointed two issues that lead to an overload of stress at the start and one error in how managed the symptoms of that stress.
Lesson 1: motivation.
My motivation for running has always been internal, I love the training and the races and I love pushing my body to it's limits.
This summer the balance between that internal and external motivation tipped slightly. For UTMB, THE race, became less about finding out what I could do, and more about what doing well could bring me. I planned my whole year around this one race and I attached achieving at UTMB to improving my sponsorship deals, helping my future career prospects and proving that I can compete at this level.
This mindset was obviously damaging. What I've learned from my experience, and also seeing so many incredible athletes DNF at UTMB this year, is that no hope can be pinned on a single occasion. I can't control how a race will go, and I can't control what other people think of me. So all I can do is enjoy the training and exploring new places, if a race go well, it's a bonus.
So plan for next year?
1. Reduce the gravitas of UTMB by choosing some more high profile races.
2. Remember that I'm perfectly happy where I am in the sport, and that the point of all this is to have a great time.
3. Get back to the roots of why I race, to play around in the most beautiful places in the world.
Lesson 2: Negative thoughts.
I live in rural Somerset. I train by myself most of the time. Most of the races I do are relatively low key. So it's not so surprising that the start of UTMB stressed me out a bit!
It is, of course, a stressful experience for everyone there. It's the biggest race if the year for everyone from the front to the back of the pack. This, my first year, I let it get to me.
I had been feeling OK in the week running up to the event, I'd been sleeping and I felt fairly relaxed. On race day I felt nervous but in control.
Once we got into town, I started to feel overwhelmed, the noise, the volume of people, strangers pointing at my bib number, and the "blue carpet walk" were all a shock. Walking down the blue carpet by myself with 10 cameras in my face was unexpected, and reaching the start where a bunch of "proper athletes," most of whom I'd only ever seen on Instagram were standing with me made me feel like a fraud.
For the 40mins or so before the race, thoughts like "you don't belong here" "you're 10kg heavier than most of these women" "your utmb index is a mistake" were swirling around in my head. I felt like I was getting smaller and smaller, I forgot about all of the good training and racing I'd done and could only remember the bad races and the tough training days.
My stomach tied itself in knots, my energy disappeared and that was that.
So how does one tackle intrusive thoughts. Seeing a sports psychologist is probably a good idea, but I'm going with the budget option for now.
I've started meditating again after a couple of years off.
I'm working on some mantras for race starts. "I feel good, I feel strong, I deserve to be here" is one, but it only resonates sometimes so there's more work to be done.
In 2025 I'm putting myself in stressful situations more often. In 2024 I chose races that I wouldn't have to fly to and that tied in with UTMB training. This year I'm choosing high profile races with fierce competition so I can face my imposter syndrome head on.
Imodium.
This is really only of interest to people who race and have lower intestinal issues during races. If that's not you, don't read this. I'd almost rather people didn't read it because it's embarrassing, but I wish I'd heard about it before the race so I'm going to share anyway!
As with most people, my gut-brain axis is strong. My stress symptoms sometimes include stomach pain and sometimes include multiple trips to the loo. This was the case at the start of UTMB, stress was unnecessarily high (as discussed previously) and I started having stomach issues around 1 hour before the start. I took Imodium as per the recommended dosage. This wasn't the first time I've used it before or during a race, and I know many people take it and are fine, but looking at the Moya clinic’s list of possible side effects, this could explain my DNF.
Side effects include:
Diarrhoea ✅
Chills ✅
Drowsiness ✅
Weakness ✅
Dizziness ✅
It would be nice to blame the whole thing on Imodium, but I've taken it before without issues. I believe it was the combination of the drug and the monsoon of stress hormones that sent my body into turmoil.
The lesson is pretty simple here. Be careful with over the counter drugs, avoid if possible and ensure they're tried and tested in simulated situations (ie a stressful race) before taking them on your A race. For me, no more Imodium.